I don't want to talk
by countrygirluk56
Summary: Callen tries to keep his promise to Michelle and look out for Sam and the kids


A/N: Keeping his promise to Michelle, Callen does his best to take care of Sam and his family.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my idea. NCIS LA is owned by CBS, Shane Brennan and R Scott Gemmill

Since the tragic death of Michelle, the Hanna family were still struggling to come to terms with what happened and Sam had found that he was questioning his faith.

Sam, as an ex-Navy SEAL and a NCIS agent, knew only too well the sacrifice and heartache his job and any in the military and law enforcement had to endure. He had lost comrades whilst in service as a SEAL and had seen so much violence, death and destruction as a NCIS agent that he sometimes wondered whether there were any good people left in the world.

In his heart, however, he truly believed the majority of people were good and law abiding. He thought of his kids. Aiden was in the Naval Academy and Kamran still wanted to go there next year as planned. Kamran was only twelve and was missing her mom very much, although she tried hard to hide it. Whilst she was reluctant to talk of her feelings to Sam in case she upset him, he was pleased that she would turn to Callen in times of need.

Aiden was another matter. Outwardly he appeared as if he was coping well with the loss of his mother. He had only missed a week of school following Michelle's demise and went back a couple of days after the funeral. Aiden rarely spoke to his father and if he did it was only about school work. Aiden went out with his friends regularly but lately had been reluctant to come home. On the couple of occasions when Sam had forced him to, Aiden was sullen and uncooperative.

Sam knew that his son was putting on a brave face and that deep down he was hurting as much, if not more, than Sam and Kamran. Sam was worried that all the anger and grief that he imagined Aiden was holding inside would burn him up. Sam knew that he would have to force the issue and get his son to open up but did not know how. All attempts so far had failed.

Sam picked up the phone and called Callen.

"Hi, Sam, how're you doing?" asked Callen when he picked up his phone and saw the caller ID.

"Hanging in there, I guess. G, I need you to try and talk to Aiden. He's not responding to me at all. Everything I do seems to push him away. He might listen to you" asked Sam.

Callen could hear the desperation in Sam's voice. Not one to show his feelings, Callen was finding Michelle's death hard as well. She had welcomed him into her family more readily than Sam had in the beginning. It had taken Callen and Sam a while to trust one another totally and get to the 'brother' relationship they now had. Callen knew that it been Michelle initially who had insisted that Sam invited him over for meals. Michelle would tend to his injuries when he refused to go hospital and she had trusted him with the lives of her husband and kids.

Callen vowed always to protect them. Unfortunately he had failed to protect Michelle herself and the guilt was weighing down heavily on him.

Callen remembered the last words Michelle had said to him: Take care of Sam and my kids.

Hitching his voice, Callen said "I'm not sure he'll listen to me either but I'll try. How do you want to do it?"

"I'm going to force him to come home this weekend. Come over Saturday. I'll do a BBQ so it'll be nice and casual" said Sam.

Sam paused for a long time that Callen thought he had disconnected. He was just about to say something when he heard a noise which was probably a sob. Callen did not make a comment but waited for Sam to continue.

"G, I'm really grateful for all you've done for me and the kids. If it ever becomes too much, you just let me know, y'hear? I don't wanna be a burden on you" said Sam, his voice full of emotion.

Callen could feel his eyes brimming with tears and he wiped his hand across the eyes before answering. "You are not, and never will be a burden. If you keep talking like that then I won't help you and I may just have to tell them about that little incident you don't want them to know about" threatened Callen, with a smirk on his face.

His words had the desired effect. He could hear Sam's demeanour change as he said desperately "G, you wouldn't dare! You promised!"

Callen laughed. Whilst it felt strange to laugh so soon after the terrible event that turned all their worlds upside down, it also felt good and he was pleased when he heard Sam chuckle too.

"Oh, I'll get you for this G" Sam promised. He then continued "Thanks I needed to be brought out of the self-pitying stupor. So I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yeah, I'll bring some beers and ice cream. Let me know if you want me to bring anything else. And Sam?"

"Yeah?" asked Sam.

"You're doing good. It'll be hard for a while but it'll get easier" said Callen reassuringly. He hoped it would be so.

"I know. Thanks, buddy" said Sam and two friends hung up.

Saturday came and Callen drove to Sam's house in trepidation. He wanted desperately to keep his promise to Michelle but with his background he was not best placed to offer advice. Still he would see what transpired.

Callen went round back and found Sam already at the barbeque heating up the coals.

"Hey, G. The steaks'll be ready soon. Put those in the cooler and get yourself a cold one" said Sam.

"OK. Do you want one?" asked Callen and Sam nodded in response.

Callen entered the house and shivered despite the heat of the day. He kept expecting to hear Michelle greet him. He shook himself and spun round as he heard Kamran call his name.

"Uncle Callen! I'm so glad to see you" she said as she threw herself into his arms. He picked her up and swung her around before putting her down. My, she was getting big!

"Hey, sweetheart, you good?" he asked.

"Not bad. I have good days and bad days, you know. Look, I'm wearing your present" she said as she held up her wrist to show the bracelet he had bought for her recently on an outing on Mothers' Day.

"I'm glad I could buy it for you. It's special – for a special girl" he said and she beamed at him and hugged him.

Looking around for signs that Aiden was home and not seeing any, he asked Kamran "Did Aiden come home?"

"Yeah, but I don't know why he bothered. He hasn't left his room and has hardly spoken to me or Dad" Kamran said in a huff.

"He misses your mom too. He just doesn't know how to express it" said Callen.

"Yeah, I know" said Kamran. Pointing to her dad who was beckoning to them she said "I think the food's ready. You coming?"

"You bet. Just got to grab a couple of beers and I'll be out" Callen answered.

He walked out into the garden and Kamran handed him a plate with a steak and some salad on it.

"Thanks, Kam" said Callen as he cut himself a piece of steak and popped it into his mouth. "Hey, this is good, Sam" he added appreciably.

"You're welcome. You got all you want? Kam, go get your brother" said Sam.

Kam was going to protest but saw the look that passed between her Dad and Callen. Without saying a word, she went upstairs to get Aiden.

Shortly the peace was broken by shouting, a door slamming and Kam came running out of the house sobbing. She flung herself into the arms of her dad who tried to comfort her and hear what she was saying between sobs.

Just then Aiden came out of the house and threw a glare at Sam and Callen.

"Aiden, come here. What did you say to your sister?" demanded Sam.

Aiden ignored him but angrily said to Callen "Oh I might have guessed you would be here again! Don't you get tired of muscling in on a free meal and meddling with our lives?"

Sam was angry and embarrassed by his son's outburst and shouted for him to come back. Aiden ignored him and stormed out of the garden into the street.

Callen shook his head at Sam and said "It's alright. Stay with Kam. I'll go after him."

Sam smiled apologetically at his friend and nodded as he watched Callen jog out of the garden after Aiden.

Reaching the street Callen looked in one direction and did not immediately see Aiden. As he looked in the opposite direction he saw him running almost out of sight. Callen sighed. It was a hot day and he was not dressed for a run. However he set off at a fast jog and soon had his quarry in his sights. Putting on a splint, Callen caught up with Aiden and settled into an easy pace beside him.

"I don't want to talk about it! I didn't ask you to come after me" said Aiden angrily.

"Fine but I'm not going anywhere. We can just keep running if that's what you want" said Callen calmly. He'd wait forever if that what it took.

Callen risked a glance at Aiden and saw he had been crying. Choosing to ignore the fact, Callen jogged comfortably beside him. Aiden increased the pace but Callen easily kept up with him. He did this several times in an attempt to lose Callen but he never lost his companion for more than a couple of seconds.

"Look, I can keep this up all day" said Callen, hoping that he would not have to. He was fit but Aiden was nearly 30 years younger than him and he was wearing boots whilst Aiden was wearing trainers.

Taking a quick glance at Callen, Aiden took off at a mad dash and Callen shook his head, took a deep breath and raced after him. Callen slowed when he saw that Aiden had stopped and had fallen to his knees.

With his heart in his mouth, fearing something dreadful had happened, Callen raced with all his might to Aiden. As he approached he heard sobs of anguish coming from the young man. Callen's heart went out to him. He was in such pain and did not know how to express it so he did the only thing he could and that was lash out with anger and run away from the the pain.

Not wanting to risk losing Aiden, Callen decided not to say anything and wait until he was read to speak of his own accord. By Aiden's side Callen bent over with his hands on his knees breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

In between sobs, Aiden said "I thought you said you could keep this up all day?"

Still bending over Callen looked over at Aiden, who had a faint smile on his face. Callen smirked "Well, I could if I had to!"

Aiden grinned "Yeah, right!" said Aiden, unconvinced.

"Do you want to put it to the test?" Callen asked goading the younger man. "I'm game if you are" he challenged.

Aiden eyed up Callen to see if he was bluffing and deciding that Callen was probably telling the truth, he conceded "Nah, I'm good."

Aiden moved until he was sat with his back against the stone wall beside the road. Callen, who had caught his breath, followed suit and sat down next to him. He rested his arms on his raised knees and stared out into the distance.

They sat in silence for a long time before Aiden said with a slight hitch in his voice "I'm sorry, Uncle Callen. I didn't mean what I said."

"I know" answered Callen, quietly slowly taking his phone out of his pocket. He held it up to show Aiden.

"You know I have to let your dad know you're OK?" said Callen.

Aiden glanced over at him with a worried look on his face. "We don't have to go back yet if you don't want to. Your dad will only worry and come looking for us if I don't phone." Callen paused before adding "Y'know what a mother hen he is!"

Aiden let out a quick laugh "He is, isn't he?" smiled Aiden. "OK phone him, but I can't go back just yet. Promise?"

"Promise" said Callen "but we need to get back before dark – we've come quite a way y'know."

Aiden glanced around him and was amazed how far they had run.

Callen dialled Sam's cell. "Aiden's here with me. We're good. No, don't come and get us. We'll make our way back when we're ready" Callen told Sam. "How's Kam? OK, see you later" said Callen as he hang up.

"Kam's fine by the way. She forgives you and says if you don't hurry back she'll eat all the ice cream" said Callen to Aiden who was looking at him with a worried expression.

Aiden laughed and it pleased Callen to hear it "She would as well" said Aiden.

They sat in silence, Callen not quite knowing what to say but not wanting to anything to cause the young man to close down further. Aiden broke the silence, whilst not looking at his older companion.

"How do you do it?" he asked.

"Do what?"asked Callen, still staring into the distance.

"In your job, you catch and kill the bad guys. You get hurt. I know you've been seriously hurt several times and once you nearly died. Dad was so worried. Mom was too but they wouldn't tell us." Aiden sobbed when he said the word 'mom'. "I know team mates have been killed."

Aiden turned his head to look at Callen and he turned and faced the boy.

"How do you get over that? How do you come to terms with the fact that you're never going to see them again" beseeched Aiden with tears running down his face.

Callen swallowed, his own eyes bright with unshed tears. He thought before he answered.

"In truth, you don't. Sometimes you find yourself looking for that person even though deep down you know they'll never be there; you automatically pick up the phone to tell them about your day and realise you can't. You constantly think about them, about what you want to say to them, what you should have said to them but now it's too late." Callen paused and wiped his eyes.

"In the beginning it's hard, extremely hard. You don't know how you're going to manage, how you'll going to continue to live but you then think of the one you've lost and realise they'd want you to carry on, to be happy. You'll never forget them but it will get easier, I promise" said Callen.

Callen put his arm round Aiden's shoulders and pulled him into a hug.

"We all deal with grief in different ways. You must acknowledge that if you're to move on. Both your dad and your sister are hurting as well. It's natural to feel the mass of emotions you're feeling. Disbelief, denial, anger, despair, sadness; they're all part of the grieving process. It's natural to experience these emotions but don't use them against those who love you. Remember, you are not alone, Aiden" said Callen.

Surprisingly Aiden did not recoil from Callen's embrace. It felt natural and comforting, much the same as when his dad hugged him.

Aiden said softly "You loved my mom as well, didn't you, Uncle Callen?"

Callen was taken by surprise by Aiden's statement and he choked. "Yes I did. She was my best friend's wife and like a sister to me. She welcomed me into her family and tended my wounds when I wouldn't go to hospital – on numerous occasions" he chuckled. She was very kind and patient with me. She was a special lady and I miss her."

"I miss her so much" sobbed Aiden and Callen held him until he had no tears left to spill.

Looking at his watch, Callen said "You good? We better get back."

Callen got up and held out a hand to Aiden, who took it and Callen pulled him to his feet. Aiden gave Callen a shoulder hug "Thank you Uncle Callen. Race you home!" and he sprinted off back the way they had come. Callen shook his head and took a deep breath before running to catch up with the youngster.

Back at the house, Sam was pacing up and down. He had just decided to go and look for them when they appeared at the garden gate. Aiden hesitated but Callen nudged him and smiled encouragingly. Sam ran to his son and caught him in a tight embrace, just glad his son was home again. Shortly Kamran came running out and joined in the hug. All three were crying.

Sam over at Callen "Thank you G!" he mouthed and Callen nodded in acknowledgement. As he turned to go and leave the family alone, Kamran pulled away and run to Callen and hugged him.

"Thank you, Uncle Callen, for bringing my brother back."

Aiden and Sam had parted and Aiden turned to Callen and said "You're not going are you? Thought we were having a family BBQ" he grinned as Kam lead Callen back into the garden.

Callen sat down and watched Sam and his kids busy themselves getting food and drink together and Kam brought a plate full of food over to him whilst Aiden handed him a beer. Sam eventually joined them.

"Kam, did you eat all the ice cream?" asked Callen.

Rolling her eyes, she said "No, of course not. I left some for you, Uncle Callen." They all laughed.

Callen looked to the skies and thought _I guess you were right, Michelle. I can be of help to your family. I miss you._


End file.
